When Love Takes You In

Enjoy!  This video is simply amazing and such a blessing!

Our Little Fighter

Many of you are aware that we were adopting through the China Special Needs program.  And I'm guessing some of you are wondering what Elyse's special need is, since we've yet to mention it here on the blog.  Well, that was on purpose.  You see, we wanted every one to see her for the beautiful little girl she is and fall in love with those eyes and dimples the way we have BEFORE you considered she had a need.  Then, we fought for awhile whether or not to reveal anything about her need in respect to her privacy.  Well, we've decided to share what her need is, but publicly on this blog, we likely will not share how she is being affected.

Elyse has been diagnosed with Spina Bifida.  I know this sounds scary, and it was to us at first.  So much so that we never even considered it as a possibility until God continued to lead us in this direction.  So, in this post, I'm going to use some information from another blog - a blog of a mommy with two daughters from China who have Spina Bifida.  Nicole's Blog  And the REAL TREAT will come at the end - I'm going to link a video of these sweet angels.

What is Spina Bifida?

Spina Bifida is a neural tube defect that literally means "split spine." It occurs very early in the mother's pregnancy. Basically the spinal column does not close all the way. Folic acid, heredity and environmental factors can play a role in this occurring.

Spina Bifida has several different forms.  Often times there is little to no nerve damage and the child may only have minor disabilities. Other times, nerves are definitely affected, often resulting in more disabilities. Children often have a greater chance of developing hydrocephalus. Additionally, the spinal cord may become tethered (attached) and is stretched like a rubber band. Tethering can cause nerve damage and must be monitored closely since it could recur despite surgery.

Can Spina Bifida be fixed? What other needs are commonly seen with Spina Bifida?

Spina Bifida can be treated, but it cannot be cured. Once nerve damage is done, there is little you can do to reverse it. A good analogy is that it's like diabetes. It's a chronic condition that cannot be fixed, but it can be managed. Children with Spina Bifida should be seen by specialists to help monitor the child and to prevent further nerve damage due to spinal cord tethering or other related issues. Some children also experience secondary conditions associated with Spina Bifida. Those conditions include (but are not limited to) club feet, scoliosis, hydrocephalus, Chiari malformation, syrinx (fluid-filled cysts in spinal column), neurogenic bowel and/or bladder and latex sensitivities. Children will often see specialists in the following areas: neurosurgery, orthopedics, orthotics, urology, physical and occupational therapy, pulmonology and nephrology. Most children will attend a Spina Bifida Clinic twice a year until they are about five or six years old. At that point, as long as things are going well, visits may be reduced to once a year.

How will SB affect a child's quality of life?

Children with SB can lead nearly normal and full lives. Although they may have some physical limitations that need to be addressed, they tend to be very determined due to what they have already had to overcome in an orphanage or foster care setting. It is important to help your child become independent and to treat him/her as normally as possible. These children are often viewed as disabled, but they are just differently-abled! According to the Spina Bifida Association's website, most children do well in school, and many play in sports. Because of today's medicine, about 90 percent of babies born in the USA with Spina Bifida now live to be adults, about 80 percent have normal intelligence and about 75 percent play sports and do other fun activities.

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Denver Children's Hospital, where we plan to spend a good bit of time over the next few years.

Please know that Ben and I are open to any questions you may have.  We'd LOVE to share with you what we've learned about Spina Bifida.  We are so thankful God led us to explore this special need, this need is what brought Elyse to us.  We are SO blessed!

AND - without further ado, here is one of my favorite videos EVER - please enjoy:
http://myilluminateblog.com/courtney-katelyn-gower-overcoming-spina-bifida-2/

Also, here is a link to another great video:
Love Without Boundaries' Video about SB: http://www.youtube.com/lwbvideos#p/u/0/RF8V3iJ9F2Q

A Rose By Any Other Name... (part 1)

So, I've had a list of names started since just about the day we decided to adopt. Yep - I love the idea of coming up with names.  When it comes to making the decision, I'm not so good.  So - we make lists.  Some of the names we had on our list were:

• Emerson
• Mia
• Julia
• Clara
• Peyton
• Harper
• Charis
• Elyse
• Nora
• Sidney
• Maureen
• Ainsley
• Meilinn

I would suggest a name, and Ben would shrug (Ainsley and Harper), non-excitedly tell me to add it to the list (Elyse and Nora), or get excited and talk about it a bit (Emerson and Mia).

The evening we saw the face of our little one, we decided to pull out the list and see what we were thinking.  Well, our two favorites up to that point were Emerson (Emmi) and Mia.  And - our little one didn't look like either of them, right?

 So, when we went through the list, two of the names suited her well.  Clara and Elyse.  Being big into significance of names, I looked up their meanings.  First Clara: clear or bright.  AWESOME!  We loved it. I mean, look at those eyes - talk about clear and bright! 

Then, we looked up Elyse.  Do you know what that screen said, ya'll?  It said, "My God is a Promise."  Wow. Wow, wow, and wow.  That was it.  This little girl who has seen so much "tough stuff" in her few months here on earth. Her God is a Promise!  

We are still working on her middle name and will post it when it's decided upon.

His Word

I need to add nothing to this.  God's word is perfect and is provision to our souls.

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place! It will not be late by a single day!" Habakkuk 2:3

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face...

So yes, Roberta Flack is pretty awesome, but that's not what this post is all about.  Nope - it's about that magical day when we received the file of Zhou Yin Lan, also known as our little Elyse.

To really understand, we have to go back a few weeks.  In February, I was checking out the cutie-patootie kiddos on CCAI's Waiting Child list.  This was nothing new - I'd check a few times a day in hopes that the little girl of our dreams would be posted there, despite the numerous sweet boys that always graced the page.

Well, in February, a group of about 6 little girls showed up!  And they were CUTE!  And they were all labeled "LID Only," which means we had to have our dossier "log in date" from China or at least be close to sending the paperwork to China.  I didn't care.  I researched anyhow, cuz you never know.  Maybe the agency would think we were close enough and would allow us to review a file.  Three of these little girl had a special need that we had not considered - or even researched - before, because it just sounded scary.  But these girls were so cute that I just had to see what this need was all about.  I researched and realized this particular need had a very WIDE spectrum of afflictions and could be very simple to deal with or could be pretty tough for our family.  I read story after story of little ones who came home from China and there was hardly any indication of affects from this need.

Ben and I discussed it, and there was one of those 3 little girls we both had fallen hard for.  She was a sweet little angel girl, and she'd been on the list a few weeks.  We decided we were going to just see if our agency would let us review her file so the doctors could give us information specific to her.  Well, I called and was told CCAI really wanted us to be closer to sending in our dossier and since I was still waiting on Homeland Security, they would put the Komada name on her file to call if that time came.  We would need to "wait and see."

Well, we didn't receive a call any time soon, and this little girl's file disappeared from the list, so we figured we'd continue to wait and trust in God, that He would send us the daughter that was meant to be ours.  On March 6th, we went up to Denver to have our biometrics (fancy computer fingerprints) done for the Dept of Homeland Security, and on our way, we dropped all our other completed documents off at CCAI.  On the way to the agency, we decided that we would mark the "maybe" box next to that special need we had spent a month researching.  We still weren't comfortable to mark "yes," by "maybe" was a step we were ready to take.

Fast forward 10 days.  March 16th, a Friday.  Ben had the day off, so when Grace went down for her nap, I headed to the grocery store.  This was a big shopping and I realized I needed to get the meats and dairy home before I headed out to the next store on my list.  But, just as I was turning toward our house, I received a phone call from Ben who told me to get home RIGHT AWAY.  Judy Winger had called with a file for us to review and my sweet husband said to her, "don't say anything else - we have to have my wife her to hear this.  We'll call you right back."

I was shaking on that drive home, so luckily I was close to my destination.  I wouldn't let Ben hang up with me either - made him talk to me until I arrived. On that short drive, we got chills when we realized this call was the closest day possible to St Patrick's Day.  You see, my wonderful mother loved her Irish heritage, and I'm always looking for significance in dates...

When I got home, we called Judy, and she told us she had the file of a 17 month old little girl with big, beautiful eyes and with the special need we had recently said maybe to.  This little girl's file did not require us to have a Log In Date, so she called us immediately.  She asked if we wanted to review this file and we said, "YES!  Send it please!"

Well, those 15 minutes or so it took her to send it to my Hotmail inbox were some of the longest minutes of my life.  And when it arrived, we did what all responsible adoptive parents are supposed to do - we opened the Word files first.  You see, we're cautioned against looking at the pictures of children until you read their medical info.  We read through the file of this little girl, and things looked good.  Really good.  She was outgoing, she was smiley, and there were some indications that most of the side effects of her needs would be minor.  We were in awe at this point of how good God was.  We asked for Him to send us the right child, and before even seeing her picture, we felt she was a treasure.

Then, we opened the photo.  I know most of you have seen her pictures, but wow.  We were in awe.

How could you not be in love with that little one!?!?!?  We called Judy then and told her we were going to move forward with her file and would be presenting her information to doctors and specialists.  And that's what we did!

The following week, on Tuesday, we heard from Denver Children's Hospital that aside from one aspect, her medical prognosis was great.  Besides, on Friday we had already decided that she was ours.  As we saw it,  if we said no, it's not like this little girl's needs would just go away.  She needed some medical care, and more importantly, she needed parents.

And these parents here in Colorado?  Well, we needed a little girl - this little girl!

Introducing....

Our little blessing:
Elyse (middle name still to come) Komada

Isn't she stunning?  We first saw her face on March 16, 2012 (that'll be another blog post) and are absolutely smitten.  She was born on October 24, 2010 and lives in Zhengzhou, the capital of the Henan province of China.  Her Chinese name is Zhou Yin Lan (another blog post still), and she has our hearts.  Her measurements of December 13th are 28.3" (12%) and 18.4lbs (5%).  Looks like we have another tiny kiddo!  Can't wait to look into those beautiful eyes.

He Calms Our Fears

Important: this was written before we saw Elyse's face.

Adoption is scary.  Let me say that again.  Adoption is SCARY!  We have come up against a number of obstacles that are unique to adoption – some we knew about and others that took us by surprise.   The process (paperwork) was a mountain we knew we’d have to scale.  And then - there was the stranger that came into our home, toured it, and then for 2 weeks straight asked us very personal questions, all in the name of a home study.  Then, there was reaction from friends and family who did not understand why we chose to take this road.  And, of course, that amazing long list of medical conditions that we had to research and decide which we could provide for. These and many more challenges have been on our path.  However, one of the most daunting and scary parts is the finances.  

Yep – I said it.  Money is scary when it comes to adoption.  According to our agency, bringing home our daughter will cost $23,000 - $26,000.  It’s a lot of money.  International adoption in some countries cost much more, and there are a few where the final cost is less.  Oh, and I must be clear when talking adoption and money, at no time are we “buying” our child.  We are paying for NUMEROUS government fees, both Chinese and American, travel costs, and an orphanage donation that helps cover the expense of caring for our daughter.  Anyhow, it is a lot of money, but we knew from the beginning, money was only a small part of this journey.  

We were able to cover the first couple of fees just fine, then – things started moving quickly.  Fees and deposits were coming due and we knew it was time we had to figure out where this money was coming from.  We have plans to eventually apply for grants, but most required completed home studies and dossiers, neither of which we had.  So, we set out to apply for a sizable loan from a Christian Credit Union that provides adoption loans.  This is a great option because they’re able to do it at a lower interest rate, a number that would normally only be available for a secured loan.  So, we took the plunge, knowing we’d pay a lot of it off by next Spring, with assistance that FedEx will give us after the adoption is complete and the government tax refund.  We could do this.  Then, right before signing the loan papers, we realized that the tax assistance was now a credit and not a refund as it has been the past few years.  It gives us a credit towards the income taxes we pay – not the Medicare or FICA taxes, just income taxes.  UGH.  So, I researched and learned that we will see small bits of this “credit” over the next few years, but will NEVER reap the benefit of the full amount. 

 

So, panic set in.  Oh my heavens – this is a lot of money we’re going to have to pay back over the next few years.  How in the world are we going to make this happen?  We had JUST become comfortable with our current budget (which isn't too big to begin with), but now we’re adding a large loan payment as well as another child.  

And let me be clear – at no time during this did we think of not adopting.  We had a moment of, “maybe we should wait a bit,” but that was immediately set aside as we just KNEW this was the right step at the right time.

So, all this panic sets in on Friday evening.  We work to talk each other through the stresses on Saturday.  (Ben and I are pretty good at taking turns talking each other off the proverbial ledge.)  We keep things in perspective and “know” it will all be worth it in the end, but are still freaking out about the financial implications.

Sunday morning arrives and as usual, we go to church.  Well, during worship time, I begin fervently praying to God for an answer to these struggles, just one answer that will give us peace in this process.  Please just something to let us know – reassure us – that we are in fact following your will and that we are moving in the right direction.  And you know what – I didn’t receive an answer.  I RECEIVED FOUR ANSWERS!  Yep, four!  Here's what became abundantly clear during that 15 minutes of worship:

• Things that are worth doing are not always easy, but you can do this.  I’m asking you to attend to one of “the least of these” while sacrificing some financial comforts – which will bring blessings as well.

          Luke 12:15 ESV        And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. 

• This loan is for less than most car loans.  As Americans, we think nothing of the investment of a loan to buy a car.  What about this investment into a child’s life???

          1 John 3:17 ESV      But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

•  This adventure, journey and ultimate blessing of a daughter will glorify Him to all those around us who are not followers or who are struggling in faith.  A new friend of mine put it well when describing her calling in an email, “I know this is what I was created to do and I am so stoked to see Him glorified through it.”  (Don't you just love someone who can use the words "stoked" and "glorified" in the same sentence?)

          Romans 8:28 ESV   And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

• Adoption will become more “normal” as more children are adopted.  More parents will see it as a viable way to add to their family.  

         James 1:27    Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans & widows in their distress."

Wow – these answers literally washed over me.  I was overwhelmed and the tears began flowing.  At that moment, there was a peace in my soul that I hadn’t experienced for quite awhile.  I was overcome with joy, peace and the undeniable love of a Heavenly Father who has such amazing plans for my family’s lives.  Through tears, I shared these answers with Ben at the end of service, and since then, we’ve walked forward in this journey with so much more peace in our hearts.  

 

 

 Matthew 11:28-30 ESV

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.